Same Old Story. Fences, Freedom an a Hand Full of Nuts
Man, so many of the places and situations I find myself in are the result of a series of bad decisions. Or at the very least, decisions. Decades ago I started out with a plan, a path and a set of rules and boundaries of what I would and wouldn't be willing to do and how far i would and wouldn't be willing to go. The universe had other plans. The universe STILL has other plans. It seems like every fucking few steps of the way, I'm faced with the challenge of letting go of some idea or ideal that not so long ago I swore I wouldn't let go.
I hear people on a daily basis say how the don't do this or can't do that or can only do things a certain way. How they're morning people, not built for running, have to have their bacon, meditation doesn't work for them, all these little rules or boundaries that they have to live within. Bullshit. All these little ideas about ourselves are only fences that we've created and reinforce every time we say this shit. All just limits we put on our lives, bodies, souls that keep us from going into an unknown land. Yeah, sure. we "try" some new things from time to time. Some of it takes off right away, some of it takes a while and some shit never really takes hold, but I doubt very seriously many of us ever really see how far we can go into our discomfort zone until it becomes not only somewhat comfortable but even a part of our daily rituals. Fuck, I've had conversations with people that refuse to even TALK about the idea of living without a car, air conditioner or TV. Of course these are easy examples but what could any of us live without? How far is too far when faced with survival or even keeping up with current living standards. Remember Aron Ralston? The guy who had to cut off his own arm to escape from a canyon? While none of us really want to be faced with that kind of challenge, I think, within some of us anyway, there's a small bit of envy somewhere deep inside that recognizes where he had to go to make that decision. He knows.
There's the story of the guys who trap monkeys to sell on the black market by building these little boxes, drilling small holes and placing nuts and seeds inside. The monkey comes along, reaches in to grab the nuts and then can't get out. The poacher comes along and scoops him up when all the monkey had to do was let go. Let go. Let go of the nuts. Fuck, Mr. Ralston let go of everything.
You want freedom? Let go. Whatever it is you're hanging on to, just fucking let go. You want to explore more of this crazy, ugly, beautiful world? Stop building, reinforcing and repairing those fences that keep us confined within these spaces that get smaller with every little idea we create about ourselves.
You know how sometimes someone might express an opinion about you and all you can think is how wrong they got it? There's a big chance we're all JUST as wrong about ourselves. I still have them. All those fences. I'm also just as afraid to climb over them as anyone else. I've just been lucky enough to make so many bad decisions (or just decisions) that I don't leave myself with much option. It's never really that bad though, so far. A lot of times it's pretty fucking awesome. Every few years I have to look around and ask, "how the fuck did I get here?" Usually takes a pen and a few sheets of paper to trace back the steps and even then there's a bit of question. Fuck, man. I don't know about you but I don't want my life story already written and even though I had MUCH different plans and ideas about who, where I would be and what I would be doing at this point in my life, I'm really glad it didn't turn out that way. And even though I'm still a little thrown off by what my plans were just a couple years ago and what's going on today, I have to trust that as long as I keep moving the universe will continue to conspire to lead me to my destination.
A lost overweight, strung out, drunk, raging, violent, broken, unemployed musician sleeping on floors and looking at jail time. yeah, believe it or not, I had a LOT more rules about what I would and wouldn't do back then. A LOT. The more ideas of myself I'm willing to let go of and the farther I'm willing to bend, the farther I get away from that guy. And the closer I get to the truth.
We can't let who we think we are get in the way of who we really are.
I hear people on a daily basis say how the don't do this or can't do that or can only do things a certain way. How they're morning people, not built for running, have to have their bacon, meditation doesn't work for them, all these little rules or boundaries that they have to live within. Bullshit. All these little ideas about ourselves are only fences that we've created and reinforce every time we say this shit. All just limits we put on our lives, bodies, souls that keep us from going into an unknown land. Yeah, sure. we "try" some new things from time to time. Some of it takes off right away, some of it takes a while and some shit never really takes hold, but I doubt very seriously many of us ever really see how far we can go into our discomfort zone until it becomes not only somewhat comfortable but even a part of our daily rituals. Fuck, I've had conversations with people that refuse to even TALK about the idea of living without a car, air conditioner or TV. Of course these are easy examples but what could any of us live without? How far is too far when faced with survival or even keeping up with current living standards. Remember Aron Ralston? The guy who had to cut off his own arm to escape from a canyon? While none of us really want to be faced with that kind of challenge, I think, within some of us anyway, there's a small bit of envy somewhere deep inside that recognizes where he had to go to make that decision. He knows.There's the story of the guys who trap monkeys to sell on the black market by building these little boxes, drilling small holes and placing nuts and seeds inside. The monkey comes along, reaches in to grab the nuts and then can't get out. The poacher comes along and scoops him up when all the monkey had to do was let go. Let go. Let go of the nuts. Fuck, Mr. Ralston let go of everything.
You want freedom? Let go. Whatever it is you're hanging on to, just fucking let go. You want to explore more of this crazy, ugly, beautiful world? Stop building, reinforcing and repairing those fences that keep us confined within these spaces that get smaller with every little idea we create about ourselves.
You know how sometimes someone might express an opinion about you and all you can think is how wrong they got it? There's a big chance we're all JUST as wrong about ourselves. I still have them. All those fences. I'm also just as afraid to climb over them as anyone else. I've just been lucky enough to make so many bad decisions (or just decisions) that I don't leave myself with much option. It's never really that bad though, so far. A lot of times it's pretty fucking awesome. Every few years I have to look around and ask, "how the fuck did I get here?" Usually takes a pen and a few sheets of paper to trace back the steps and even then there's a bit of question. Fuck, man. I don't know about you but I don't want my life story already written and even though I had MUCH different plans and ideas about who, where I would be and what I would be doing at this point in my life, I'm really glad it didn't turn out that way. And even though I'm still a little thrown off by what my plans were just a couple years ago and what's going on today, I have to trust that as long as I keep moving the universe will continue to conspire to lead me to my destination.
A lost overweight, strung out, drunk, raging, violent, broken, unemployed musician sleeping on floors and looking at jail time. yeah, believe it or not, I had a LOT more rules about what I would and wouldn't do back then. A LOT. The more ideas of myself I'm willing to let go of and the farther I'm willing to bend, the farther I get away from that guy. And the closer I get to the truth.
We can't let who we think we are get in the way of who we really are.
