Mt. Hood 50mile (pulled)

    Heading into the race I knew I wasn't quite prepared. Due to several injuries and a stressful job situation my training runs had come to pretty much a complete stop. My races had become my long runs. I'd built up a good base so I can usually pull out a decent 20 miler off the bat, maybe even a 30 miler but after that, anything can happen. Don't know if it's going to be a gradual fade or just a sheer drop but I know something will happen. Also, due to my unstable training as of late, my pace has slowed quite a bit so the idea of putting some time "in the bank" early in a race might take a lot of energy out of me that might be real real important later in a race.
    We had a six hour cut-off at mile 28 which i made with basically no problem. Plenty of room to spare. The only issue so far was some stomach issues that i blame on coconut water I had in a drop bag at mile 15. I'd heard others doing this and thought I'd give it a try. Nope, won't be doing that again. I did however, have some of my home fermented kombucha with chia seeds waiting for me at mile 28 that i downed while retying my shoes and applying some KT tape to my foot and that really did the trick. . And then I headed back on the course.
    I should point out, there were already some guys dropping out at that point. It sat kind of heavy with me. Even though we were toward the back, a lot of these guys are the ones who really tough it out and are pretty used to hurting for lots of miles. It was pretty hot, high 80's and the trail was deceivingly technical so maybe that was making a difference. I don't know, but it didn't go unnoticed.
    The next aid-station is about six miles away and I'm feeling okay but the heat is starting make it's presence known to me now. I'm pouring water from my water bottles over my head (and had been doing so at every aid-station already) but almost immediately I would be dry again. Where I come from in the south, people would complain about the humidity but out here in the west it's like a dehydrator oven. It pulls all moisture out of your body making it really difficult to keep fluids in.
    I'm starting to catch people that are starting to fall apart and find myself spending a little too much time with them trying to boost them back and get them going. It's working a little but I'm losing a LOT of time and even though I can tell they're glad for the company while they're in this "dark" place it's starting to weigh ME down. This will happen a few more times. I get to the mile 35 aid-station and get a big boost. I'm ready to go again and feeling pretty good. Head back on the course and come upon a girl sitting on the side of the trail almost in tears. I tell her if she sits like that too long that while her body is in that over worked vulnerable state it can cause cramps and muscle seizures. She gets up and starts running with me. It was her first 50 mile attempt and all she kept doing was repeating, 'I'm gonna finish this, I'm gonna finish this...' all while crying. I could see where this was going.
    At about mile 38 I felt something going wrong physically. I knew this place and was a little concerned for some safety issues. I told the girl running with me she should go on if she wants to make the cut-off and I held back. While I don't have a problem running myself to actual death on a beautiful trail and becoming coyote food that would eventually become part of the natural bio-degradeable process, I don't want that to be on the hands of event coordinators that are doing a great job and leave that dark cloud over an amazing day of fun, competition and self-discovery. So, I hiked it in to the 40 mile aid-station where I was about two minutes over the cut-off time. I was okay with this. The girl I was trying to help missed it by 30 seconds but she turned around and continued anyway...crying. I tried to console her a little but she just kept crying and repeating her mantra of 'I'm gonna finish, I'm gonna finish.' I can respect that but at some point that's a lot of weight to carry on an endeavor that should have a little more positive spirit instead angry determination. It can also be a little irresponsible and put extra work on the volunteers. When I come through those aid-stations I'm so happy to see those guys and they always give me such a positive boost that I don't ever want to make their volunteer experience a bad one.
    There were eight of us that got cut off at that aid-station. no telling how many were cut long before and at each aid-station I got to there were people already dropping out on their own. I feel bad for the ones attempting their first 50 miler who didn't make it. That's a hard one. Talking to others who've made that journey before know a DNF or missing a cut-off is part of it sometimes. It doesn't make it easier but ultras can sometimes be a "lifetime in a day" experience and sometimes shit just happens.
    They drive us back to the finish where I put down two cheeseburgers (no buns, of course), four ice creams, a bout a liter of coke and a bunch of chips (I mean, even though I was pulled, I did run 40 miles) and got in my van and drove home where I quickly showered, ate again and then weighed myself. I was down 12 pounds. I definitely left it all on the trail.
    I've got another 50 miler in a couple weeks and while I don't see my speed improving a lot, I do see some things that can improve my odds on beating the cut-off. Maybe next time I see people going through these "dark places" at the back end of an ultra, I just let them experience it. It's not a bad place. just a dark place.