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The Power of "No More"

    From the first time I picked up a guitar, paint brush or pen & paper, I've sought only to represent the ideas in my own head. Mixed in with whatever outside influences, of course. The idea and goal has also been to make at least a partial living doing this. This requires the "approval" of others. Now, decades after the first time picking up a guitar, paint brush or pen & paper, I've not only realized that the idea of "approval" has it's own influence on my "art" but I've also realized (I've always felt this, actually) that there's very few people (IF ANY) who's opinion I could even pretend to respect enough to make this "approval" make sense. Don't want to be a part of this process anymore. For the last few years I've sought the purest route to the "source" as possible. Just the idea of putting it "out there" compromises the work. Wether it be music, painting or writing, it was a

18 YEARS

    18 years ago I walked out of jail and started this part of my journey. Since that time there's been lots of side trips, distractions and some all out stalls and breakdowns. The only thing I've managed to hang on to is my sobriety. Or I guess my journey of sobriety. It's an ongoing process and no final destination which throws off a lot of people. When newbies ask me how I "did" it, like there's some magic bullet answer, I have to explain that I didn't "do it." I'm "doing it."     A lot has happened since that morning. I've been "semi"-homeless a couple times, I've been to jail, moved across the country, changed careers/trades, married, divorced, I held my mom as she died, lost jobs, most of my friends and most of my belongings I've accumulated over the years, my kitty of almost 14 years died and the last three years i've rarely had enough cash to make it to my next paycheck. My philosophies on life and

Dodging Bullets

    It's 1975, Im nine years old and in the third grade. My two previous years of "education" I was being bussed to a more "inner city" school surrounded on three sides by Nashville housing projects. Those were a couple of intense years, all for another day, only to be challenged when I would start buying drugs in those said projects nine years later. Again, that's another story. Now, back to third grade at my new school.     It was only a couple miles from my grandmother's house so I could finally walk to school. This meant two things. "Adventure" and "freedom." It should've also meant "responsibility" but that sounds boring right now writing it, I can only imagine how it would've sounded then.     There were only two other kids walking as far as I was, Larry and Eddie Johnson. Two brothers that lived a couple blocks over but I'd never met them before. Larry was in my class but Eddie was a grade ahead...but th

Benefits of a Well Spent Youth

    When I was 12 years old, me and two friends, Mike L. and Ryan S. were three kids testing the boundaries. We had started shoplifting and had gotten pretty good at it. We could walk into a department store with an empty shopping bag and leave with it full, no problem. We were getting so much shit that we couldn't take it home without some suspicion so we had to sell a lot of stuff we were stealing. Then we had the problem of explaining the money. Most of the time it just went to pinball or fast food but pretty quickly it went to buying pot. Ryan was the one who started that. He even had more cash, as he got a $40 allowance every week while we might have gotten $5 here and there. Looking back, he was the bigger risk taker. He was the first of us to get a job (construction), quit school and start his own contracting company. He was also the guy who in our late teens would pass us in a car at 100mph while he was riding a wheelie on a motorcycle with a girl on the back.     One of t

The Risk Management Diversification Road Trip

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    Seven days (two travel, one recovery and four "adventure"). 686 miles (636 in the van traveling, 50+ on foot). This was my vacation...part of my vacation. This, along with exploring some caves, a lot of food, reading, and staring at the sky. The "numbers" come out more like, 52+ miles, 13,000(ish) accumulated elevation in about 23 hours total. Covering two summits, another "just below" summit and a run around and through a volcano crater. This was a week of living the new "American dream." Living in a van, down by the river. Even if after three nights of van living and hiking three mountains, the dream got interrupted with a night in a motel. A shower, pizza and some mindless TV can really rejuvenate a guy. That third morning getting out of my sleeping bag, a wave of stink made it's way up from what I assume was my crotch area that I can only describe as cheap, stale peanut butter gone bad. You "choosy" mothers know what